splash_of_sunshine's Xanga

Friday, July 25, 2008

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:10:30 GMT

Sitting there I witnessed the devil talking on its own. The devil was burning with more fire and was heating up. I was on a team with darkness, and darkness in itself did not care if I were on its side or not. I just held my breath as I did not inhale the burning fumes from the devil. I will not fall victim to the Devil's wrath or cleverness. I chose not to follow the Devil over to his side. But as I sat there watching the Devil speak, I see a bit of light coming from the door. Light was miraculous for with the Devil, there is no light, but darkness. Pure evil darkness. Someone was trying to rescue me from the Devil from the door. I could see his valiant horse and glowing smile. Is it too good to be true? Am I going to be saved from the Devil's lock?

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:18:46 GMT

I remember going to the beach. Walking near the ocean, as I glance at the tide coming along. The tide rushes over, washing away all the markings on the sand. It has the potential to wash away anything, including memories if they could be left on the ground. I wish my memories were embedded into the sand. That way, whenever a tide decides to come along, the memories will be washed away forever into the water. In the water, it will flow anywhere it would like to go. As long as the memories are away from me, I will be happy. It's like a message in a bottle that could take countless years of traveling. Memories still haunt me as I go by each day. The memories are endless, and each day, there is a new memory to come. For each day is not a day of greatness, but a day of sadness and self-isolation. There is no end to these gloomy encounters. I remember standing there in the sand with the aftermath of the tide, and I feel the water taking away my misery. It washed it away like that. But why can I, a human being not be able to wash my own thoughts away? Why must I stay in this state of depression? I want to go away. I want to go away with the tide. I want a solution to my problem.

The beautiful rain

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:17:47 GMT

Have you noticed the rain fall from the sky?

I used to not like the rain, but now, I love standing out there, getting wet. I love the feeling of the cold, slipping drops of rain, falling on my face, on my body, on my feet. Sometimes, it's like magical water. It makes me happy and high. It makes me feel vivid and alive again. In a way, I would say that I am like the unpredictable, unstoppable rain. The rain actually represents how much of a mess I am at the moment. I am all over the place. I am falling everywhere with no knowledge of knowing when the rain will ever stop pouring. The ground is wet from the thunderstorm. The ground holds my place in this world to stop me from falling any deeper. The rain is like the dripping tears that run down my face.

But once the sun comes out, the skies are clear again and the thunderstorm ends for that day. The rain stops, and instead of getting soaked, one can be dried. Getting dried is like being revived in a sense. Revived to perfection, to normal. Rain or shine, I feel complete and absolute. I'm living life and life is living me.

Drive with courage.

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 05:40:59 GMT

As I drive by the towns, and see the smiles on others' faces, it makes me smile as well. I used to stop, without thinking about trying to pass the red light once I notice the light turning yellow. I never had the courage to make it before it turned red. Instead, I remained steady and calm, without thrill, but with patience. Now, it seems like I can pass the yellow light just in time before it turns red. I feel the adrenaline rush in my mind as I have my windows down, with the windy breeze blowing my soft, black hair. Have I finally gained the strength to finally take a risk, a chance? Have I finally trusted myself in ways unknown? I had finally let myself go, broken free. I was not held back by no red light to go on to the next light down the road. I could still hear the music pumping in the background as a smile appears on my face. I made it in time for as the next light turns green. I had left the other red light behind. But, I may be stopped by another red light again. Hopefully, the light will be yellow, and I will have the strength to pass it again, before it turns into a deadly color.

The Yearning

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:33:46 GMT

She cried to be the person she used to be. She was wiser, stronger and independent. She knew what she wanted out of life. But now, everything has changed. Cupid has let her down. Her future was deteriorating in front of her eyes. She needed to decide her own fate, her own destiny. Deciding with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, one side would tell her to do what was right, and the other side would tell her to do the complete opposite. Life just seemed to be so bland, so incomplete. She felt a hole in her heart, deeply cut and shaped. She was like a piano that only played when touched. Tap the piano, and you will only hear the sound of a key. Bang the piano, and you hear only a nuisance. She wanted to make beautiful music with someone who would play her with grace and perfection. She dreamed of seeing her prince charming coming in with his obedient white horse, bending down, desperately, on his knees for her. Prince charming never came, but rather the devil. She was with the devil. When she was with the devil, she wondered, Oh where oh where is Prince Charming to save me from this evil doer? He never came. No matter how many tears rolled down her tender, sweet eyes, Prince charming never appeared. The bitterness still lurks inside her wretched heart. The devil never leaves the mind, for it always returns to haunt the hopeful. Come Prince charming. Save her now.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:12:45 GMT

This summer is going to be unlike any summer. This summer could potentially change my life. I have been waiting for myself to transform as if from a caterpillar into a butterfly. Who wants to stay a caterpillar all their life? I want to be beautiful, radiant and flying. I want to be a butterfly. This summer will reflect what career I really want to take in the future. It is decided between dentistry and advertising, which are two totally different areas. They are both like one way streets, in which I can only take one to go one way. None of these careers mesh together the way that all the potatoes in a potato salad gets mushed together. It just doesn't work that way. So, which road it it for me? Is it down the path of cleaning teeth my entire life or is it down the path of becoming advertising manager and being able to think with my imagination my entire life? Dentistry requires many courses that are necessary to enter dental school. Advertising requires a B.A in marketing, or at least a minor in business. I have one career in one hand, and the other career in the other hand. I'm looking at each career individually, but can not find a solution.

Hopefully, by the end of this summer, I shall find a solution!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 19:30:54 GMT

Happy Father's Day Everybody!

Father's Day was not at all what I had wished for this year. I got sick last night, and because of that, I didn't wake up in time to get ready to go out to eat with my father. My parents just left without me, just like that. Not only that, but I had bought my father a wonderful gift, and wrapped it up. I placed it on our dinner table downstairs last night so that when he woke up, he would see it. It was like I switched roles with him, and I had become the parent figure, and he was the excited child. If it were me and I saw a gift downstairs for me, I would have opened the gift immediately and quickly. But, he didn't even touch it. He was in such a rush to go out for work that he did not even have time to open a present from his oldest daughter. It crushed my heart to see the present unopened...untouched...I have become distant with my father these last couple of weeks. It does not feel like we are father and daughter anymore. Instead, we would just see each other when he comes home from work and that's it. I would say, "Hi Dad, and he would go "What." There's no love at all. My younger sister is in school, and she won't be back for awhile. It doesn't feel the same without her. It feels like without her, we lost the meaning of family. We lost the bond, and it will certainly take a lot of time to patch up again. While everybody else is enjoying their father's day with their dad, my father is at work, trying to earn more money for his household.

I've never noticed the burden he had until now. I never came to appreciate all the time he spends working. But, I wish he would stop being the typical "Asian Dad." I want him to be loving, compassionate, and affectionate. But, that is only a desire that will never come. Well I just want to say, Thanks Dad for everything. I wish I could tell you that I love you. Happy Father's Day.

Be a man.

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:20:05 GMT

You've seen it everywhere in movies, in tv shows, in reality, etc. What is this you wonder?

MEN ABUSING WOMEN.

Just hearing it makes me angry enough to punch the wall. I was so naive. I never thought this kind of violence is even happening in our society. But now, I am going to have a say against it! There is no way anyone should take such disrespect from any individual, man or woman. But I will mostly talk about relationships in which the man hits the woman. It is just wrong for any man to hit any woman no matter how much the woman provokes you. If the man hits the woman, then he has some serious issues with his brain BECAUSE violence should NEVER be tolerated. Listen to my words. It is so important that everyone knows this. This kind of violence includes but is not limited to, pushing a woman with force, shoving a woman to the ground, slapping her face hard, throwing her on the floor, etc. A man who will hit a woman is not a man, but a big pussy. Admit it, you abusers. Some guys would consider it "manly" that they hit the woman in the first place. These kind of men have serious problems, and they need to seek help for themselves. The women who are in these abusive relationships should get out before the abuse gets worse. It's not only physical abuse. There is emotional and verbal abuse as well. If your boyfriend or husband ever curses you out, get the hell out of that relationship. Because the more you allow this to happen, they'll just do it more. There is no change for abuse. If a guy has a violent tendency, he'll be more likely to come for YOU. Yes, ladies, you. You think he only threw objects? No. There's much more to this violence. Violence can evolve, just like the way humans did. It can mutate the way that cells can mutate into cancer. Cancer is deadly, and so is an abusive man.

These low lives are not men. I would even consider them to be another race because they are so below us humans. I won't even consider them human. They don't deserve anything in life, not even friends or family. Karma will come back and hit them. Trust me. So please, ladies, if you have been abused, or you can even see the abuse coming because you've seen him violent before, LEAVE. Don't think twice about it. LEAVE. The abuse will only get worse. There's no stopping a filthy, blood-thirsty animal from attacking. They'll always bite. But, if you decide not to leave, and if this abusive jerk touches you again, call the cops. Cops don't do much, but at least press charges against him. Hopefully, he'll learn twice. But, the best choice is to GET OUT.

There are so many good men out there. There's no need to stay with this one man who you may believe is "the one." If he was really "the one," he would never touch you like that. He would never hurt you. He does not love you. Don't believe his pathetic words of being sorry. He's not sorry. He's already thinking about what to do the next time you rebel against him. I'm not a feminist, so don't get me wrong. I just want to see healthy relationships, in which ABUSE does not happen to anybody, man or woman. Nobody deserves to get hurt physically in relationships. I mean it's already bad enough there are emotions involved. But, say NO to violence and leave.

So, if you witness your significant other throw a violent act in which they can hurt you, think twice about staying with them. I got out of an abusive relationship. SO CAN YOU.

RESPECT WOMEN BECAUSE WE ARE JUST AS POWERFUL AS MEN. WE CAN DO ANYTHING WE SET OUR MIND TO. WE ARE NOT DUMBER OR WEAKER. WE ARE STRONG.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:57:36 GMT

I have taken in the idea of living each day as if there were no tomorrow. But, others simply do not feel the same. Instead, they just criticize about me having fun. What hurts the most is that these people are my family members- my mother, my father, my grandma, my uncle..etc. After hearing one lecture from one, the other follows. I understand the fact that to them, I may be acting immature, but in my heart, I don't feel immature. I love going out. I have always loved going out, and exploring the universe. I love seeing new people, meeting new individuals, interacting, socializing, learning, etc. There's so much of the world I have not seen. I will not hold myself back anymore, and nobody can stop me. I am who I am. Accept it or leave it. I don't want to be a rebel, but at the same time, I want to explore my strengths and my weaknesses. We are all human and we all have limitations. But, do you even know how much you can take? I have placed myself in isolation for too long. I'm just a girl who wants to rip out from her shell and have some fun! I hope that is not too much to ask for. Let me live. Let me be who I want to be.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 13:53:01 GMT

Life has taken for the better hopefully. I've been studying for my final exams lately, and I really want to ace these exams. My eyes are puffy and bulgy from that infection in my eye, and also from crying so much yesterday night and not getting enough sleep. Why do I feel so unbelievably horrible about myself in general? I want to be a good girlfriend, but it's not something that needs to be forced, but needs to be gradually performed. I should really learn to respect others more, including my housemates and my boyfriend. If I learn to respect others, maybe then, I will learn to respect myself as an individual, as a human being. I've come this far in life. Maybe I should start proposing ideas for my future. Becoming a dentist isn't going to be a easy task. I'll have to strive for it since there are so many competitors out there. With life, comes hard work, and with hard work, comes the goal.