Have you ever placed your feet in the soft, warm sand just when the tide comes in? You feel the tide washing away the sand right under your feet, dissolving the sand slowly. It’s as if the ocean water is grasping away the energy and soul of the sand. This was what happened to me when I was hit with depression. Depression took away my life, my heart and my inspiration to continue on. It burned me like a deadly fire, with a want to turn me into ashes. I let it ruin me and take over my mind, my school work, and social life. I became the ashes, and soon after, I began blowing away with the wind, swiftly and calmly.
Sitting there I witnessed the devil talking on its own. The devil was burning with more fire and was heating up. I was on a team with darkness, and darkness in itself did not care if I were on its side or not. I just held my breath as I did not inhale the burning fumes from the devil. I will not fall victim to the Devil's wrath or cleverness. I chose not to follow the Devil over to his side. But as I sat there watching the Devil speak, I see a bit of light coming from the door. Light was miraculous for with the Devil, there is no light, but darkness. Pure evil darkness. Someone was trying to rescue me from the Devil from the door. I could see his valiant horse and glowing smile. Is it too good to be true? Am I going to be saved from the Devil's lock?
I remember going to the beach. Walking near the ocean, as I glance at the tide coming along. The tide rushes over, washing away all the markings on the sand. It has the potential to wash away anything, including memories if they could be left on the ground. I wish my memories were embedded into the sand. That way, whenever a tide decides to come along, the memories will be washed away forever into the water. In the water, it will flow anywhere it would like to go. As long as the memories are away from me, I will be happy. It's like a message in a bottle that could take countless years of traveling. Memories still haunt me as I go by each day. The memories are endless, and each day, there is a new memory to come. For each day is not a day of greatness, but a day of sadness and self-isolation. There is no end to these gloomy encounters. I remember standing there in the sand with the aftermath of the tide, and I feel the water taking away my misery. It washed it away like that. But why can I, a human being not be able to wash my own thoughts away? Why must I stay in this state of depression? I want to go away. I want to go away with the tide. I want a solution to my problem.
I used to not like the rain, but now, I love standing out there, getting wet. I love the feeling of the cold, slipping drops of rain, falling on my face, on my body, on my feet. Sometimes, it's like magical water. It makes me happy and high. It makes me feel vivid and alive again. In a way, I would say that I am like the unpredictable, unstoppable rain. The rain actually represents how much of a mess I am at the moment. I am all over the place. I am falling everywhere with no knowledge of knowing when the rain will ever stop pouring. The ground is wet from the thunderstorm. The ground holds my place in this world to stop me from falling any deeper. The rain is like the dripping tears that run down my face.
But once the sun comes out, the skies are clear again and the thunderstorm ends for that day. The rain stops, and instead of getting soaked, one can be dried. Getting dried is like being revived in a sense. Revived to perfection, to normal. Rain or shine, I feel complete and absolute. I'm living life and life is living me.
As I drive by the towns, and see the smiles on others' faces, it makes me smile as well. I used to stop, without thinking about trying to pass the red light once I notice the light turning yellow. I never had the courage to make it before it turned red. Instead, I remained steady and calm, without thrill, but with patience. Now, it seems like I can pass the yellow light just in time before it turns red. I feel the adrenaline rush in my mind as I have my windows down, with the windy breeze blowing my soft, black hair. Have I finally gained the strength to finally take a risk, a chance? Have I finally trusted myself in ways unknown? I had finally let myself go, broken free. I was not held back by no red light to go on to the next light down the road. I could still hear the music pumping in the background as a smile appears on my face. I made it in time for as the next light turns green. I had left the other red light behind. But, I may be stopped by another red light again. Hopefully, the light will be yellow, and I will have the strength to pass it again, before it turns into a deadly color.
